Two Ply, or Not Two Ply

What's that you said? Night Court is your favorite 80s sitcom? This reminds us of an amusing sketch, when Christine is complaining in the cafeteria about the lack of toilet paper in the women's room. Casting a quick glance around to make sure no one's looking, Mac then proceeds to pull a roll out of the jelly bean jar on the counter of the magazine stand. Christine's gratitude turns to dismay, however, when she exclaims, "This isn't two ply!"

Who cares, you ask? We are pleased to announce that Tanzania cares! And we can only hope that other countries follow suit.

Tanzania declares war on poor quality toilet paper

Wed Jul 6, 1:04 PM ET

Concerned for the comfort and hygiene of its citizens, the Tanzanian government is warning the toiletry trade of legal action for producing or selling sub-standard toilet paper in the east African nation.

The country's chief regulatory body, the Tanzania Bureau of Standards (TBS), says it will take manufacturers or distributors of toilet tissue to court if their products do not meet national requirements for softness, size or alkalinity.

"It has come to our notice that there are firms manufacturing and selling sub-standard toilet paper," said Charles Ekelege, a senior TBS official, adding that sanitary concerns were not the bureau only reason for the crackdown.

"The production of sub-standard things like toilet paper is not only bad for the manufacturer but could tarnish the country's image," he told AFP at the ongoing 29th Dar es Salaam International Trade Fair.

The TBS has taken advantage of the fair to make manufacturers, importers and vendors of consumer products aware of the importance of adhering to national and internationally accepted standards for their products, Ekelege said.

The bureau said at the weekend that only one toilet paper producer in Tanzania was currently manufacturing rolls that met TBS requirements.

Copyright © 2005 Agence France Presse.

This article immediately launched a discussion of how we might be able to capitalize on this fantastic idea so that it is repeated throughout the world..............

W: Oh, God, How did I miss this one??

Seriously, do you have a running search/email alert thing going on to alert you to all these news stories?!?!

Now, if only the Europeans were so concerned about substandard bathroom products. Now that I think about this, this could be a godsend. Think about it. If Africa starts instituting bathroom regulations--toilet paper could just be the beginning for them, then surely the Europeans will be forced into action so as not to be shown up by Africa. After all, Europe was the colonizer, it should be showing Africa how to conduct themselves, not the other way around. The revolution may actually start in Africa of all places. Maybe we should have a special section highlighting Africa's achievements--we won't make the comparisons to Europe's efforts explicit, but any reader looking at the site would realize the disparity and Europe's failure on this front.

S: This is perhaps the worldwide socialist revolution that the world systems theorists have been anticipating.

W: And it will come out of nowhere b/c "no one cares about Africa." But they will lead the way. Hey, maybe we could hook up with the debt forgiveness campaign that Bono's leading. Who knows, we could be right there back stage for the next Live Aid concerts--better than having to slum it with the millions!

S: Yeah, slumming sucks. I commented to my friend when we were entering the metro station yesterday (and unsuccessfully trying to get around some slow-moving, not walking in a straight line, idiots) that the problem with public transpotation is, well, the public. As at Live Aid, it would be much better to be back stage with our dear friend Bono. Debt forgiveness through hygiene!!!

G: You know with Africa regulating toilet paper, they could teach the EU a thing or two about bureacracy. I think this example will definitely encourage the EU to take action, if not for hygiene, simply for the objective of regulating something they don't already have regulations for.

Potty Emergency!!

Yes, the link between hygiene and politics is fascinating. But you say you're going abroad soon and want some practical advice? Realpolihygienic to the rescue!

Though no one here has used a Rick Steves travel guide, we are confident that his toilet treatise will provide you all the information you need to find a toilet that almost meets your hygiene standards (by which we mean general cleanliness, availability of toilet paper, an actual toilet bowl, and a sink with soap). If we may add one thing: bring hand sanitizer. Despite soap's widely reported (and scientifically proven) germ killing abilities, Europe doesn't seem to buy it.

Good luck!

Finding a WC
By Rick Steves
On your travels, finding a decent public toilet can be frustrating. Most countries have few public restrooms. Here's how to sniff out a biffy in a jiffy.
Any place that serves food or drinks has a restroom. No restaurateur would label his WC so those on the street can see, but you can walk into nearly any restaurant or cafeé, politely and confidently, and find a bathroom. Assume it's somewhere in the back, upstairs or downstairs. It's easiest in large places that have outdoor seating, because waiters will think you're a customer just making a quick trip inside. Some call it rude - I call it survival. American-type fast-food places are very common these days and always have a decent and fairly "public" restroom. Many of London's Starbucks have cool basement lounges with overstuffed chairs and wide-open WCs.
When nature beckons and there's no restaurant or bar handy, look in public buildings: train stations, government buildings, and upper floors of department stores. Never leave a museum without taking advantage of its restrooms — free, clean, and decorated with artistic graffiti. Large, classy, old hotel lobbies are as impressive as many palaces you'll pay to see. You can always find a royal retreat here and plenty of soft TP.
Big cities such as Paris, London, and Amsterdam are dotted with coin-operated telephone booth-type WCs on street corners. You simply insert a coin, the door opens, and you have 15 minutes of toilet accompanied by Sinatra Muzak. When you leave, it even disinfects itself.
To save time and money, use the free toilets on the train rather than in the station. Toilets on first-class cars are a cut above second-class toilets. I go first class even with a second-class ticket. Train toilets are located on the ends of cars, where it's most jiggly. A trip to the train's john always reminds me of the rodeo. Toilets empty directly on the tracks. Never use a train WC while stopped in a station (unless you didn't like that particular town).
After finding a toilet, the trauma isn't over. Most European toilets are reasonably similar to our own, but you may still find the rare old-time porcelain footprints straddling a squat-and-aim hole. Those of us who need a throne to sit on are in the minority on this planet. Toilet paper (like a spoon or a fork) is another Western "essential" that most humans do not use. What they use varies. I won't get too graphic here, but remember that a billion people in south Asia never eat with their left hand. Some countries, such as Turkey, have very frail plumbing, and toilet paper will jam up the WCs. If wastebaskets are full of dirty paper, leave yours there, too.
Finally, the last step — flushing. Automatic electric-eye toilets and urinals (and sinks) are increasingly common. But when you encounter older plumbing, you'll rarely find a familiar handle. Find some protuberance and push, pull, twist, squeeze, step on, or pray to it until the waterfall starts.
Paying to use a public WC is a European custom that irks many Americans. But isn't it really worth a quarter, considering the cost of water, maintenance, and cleanliness? Sometimes the toilet is free, but the woman in the corner sells sheets of toilet paper. Most common is the tip dish by the entry. The local equivalent of about 25 cents is plenty. Getting comfortable in foreign restrooms takes a little adjusting, but that's travel. When in Rome, do as the Romans do--and before you know it . . . Euro-peein'.
http://www.ricksteves.com/plan/tips/0600wc.htm

Realpolihygienic

Toilet Tariffs, Potty Politics?

An obsession with hygiene also comes with great respect for the Japanese toilets that play musical tunes or warm up the seat when you sit down. The question was then asked, why don't we have some of these fantastic devices here in the U.S.? Answer: the $600 price tag. This lead to suspicion of trade barriers put up by the U.S. government where blocking the importation of such devices and an analysis of U.S. trade policy was conducted.

A ceramic toilet imported into the U.S. faces a 5.7 percent to 5.8 percent customs duty. If you were just to import a plastic toilet seat the customs duty rate is 3.4 percent. Most duty rates are assessed based on what the product is made of, so a sterling silver or a gold plated toilet seat (or other precious metal) would face a duty rate of 3 percent.

The U.S. obviously is more concerned about a toilet paper shortage versus a toilet shortage since the importation of toilet paper is duty free. (It even has its own separate classification number!)

There's no anti-"dumping" duties assessed on any of these products. I really don't think a 5.8 percent duty rate is steep enough to prohibit the importation of musical toilets to the U.S. from Japan. And if you set up a manufacturing facility in Mexico they would come in duty free because of NAFTA.

Even if you were purchasing a toilet from Japan, say you were purchasing a $2,000 toilet, the maximum custom duties is $139, which I think most people would pay if they were willing to spend $2,000 on a toilet.

Just some things to ponder the next time you sit on the porcelain bowl.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia... Shia!

This was dreamed up whilst visiting the Middle East. It just instantly came to mind, as all brilliant ideas do.

What better way to spread peace, understanding, culture, and the joy of gardening throughout the Middle East? And why stop there? Maybe someone you know would like a Chia Shia for the holidays. Alongside the directions on how to care for it, there could be factoids about Islam and the differences among the various sects, historical tidbits about the Middle East.

1. Spread seeds.

2. Water daily.

3. According to Islam, the angel Gabriel appeared to Mohammed and informed him that he was God's chosen messenger.

4. Full coat in 1-2 weeks.

I See London, I See France...

We know that we're advocating some change in hygiene practices around the world, but this seems a bit ridiculous. This could be what's scaring people off!

A new way to view London: from a toilet
Usable bathroom exhibit boasts one-way mirrored walls
By Jennifer Carlile
Reporter
MSNBC
Updated: 2:11 p.m. ET March 5, 2004

LONDON - Visitors to Britain will find a new stop on London’s site-seeing route this spring: a usable public toilet enclosed in one-way mirrored glass situated on a sidewalk near the River Thames. The contemporary art exhibit, which allows the user to see out while passers-by cannot peep in, toys with the concepts of privacy and voyeurism.

“I think there’d be a twinge of not believing that people outside couldn’t see you,” said Jeff Boloten, as he peered into the glass cube to see the metal prison toilet and its transparent walls.

The exhibit, entitled "Don’t Miss A Sec," is on display at a construction site across the road from Tate Britain, the national gallery of British art from 1500 to the present.

As museum-goers inquisitively press their noses to the reflective glass, and construction workers mill about, it isn't difficult to see why people would feel uneasy about using the glass outhouse.

“Playing with the idea of the most private bodily function and having to sit on a street corner is just bizarre,” said Boloten, who works at the Tate Britain.

“The construction site makes it interesting because portable toilets are at construction sites all the time, but, the Tate Britain’s a respected institution; the juxtaposition makes it more unique,” he said.

Far from testing the viewers’ levels of embarrassment versus exhibitionism, the artist, Italian-born Monica Bonvicini, conceived of the idea while watching people at art openings. Amid the gossip and pageantry, nobody wanted to leave the room for fear of missing a key entrance or comment. The "Don’t Miss A Sec" exhibit -- which was unveiled in December -- reflects peoples’ reluctance to leave the spectacle, and allows the art-goer to remain in the action, even while on the toilet.

While some viewers meditate on the exhibit’s psychological and cultural implications others revert to telling potty jokes.

British dailies and art commentaries have also had fun with the subject: “Loo with a view” and “Bathroom humor in London” have been among the headlines.

Panoptican surveillance system
The use of the sterile prison toilet and sink unit stems from the fact that the site once housed the Millbank Penitentiary, where prisoners were held before being transported to Australia in the 1800s.

The prison's architect Jeremy Bentham had hoped to create a Panoptican, or all-seeing, surveillance system for the penitentiary.

His design envisioned a cylindrical central tower, from where a guard could see all the prisoners in their cells, which radiated out from the tower, without being seen himself.

Bentham believed that the knowledge that they were being watched would prevent prisoners from being disobedient, and that they would come to internalize the watchful eye and be able to act as their own guards if they were eventually released.

Although Bentham’s Panoptican was never realized, 21st century surveillance systems, like closed circuit television (CCTV), have taken on a similar role.

"Don’t Miss a Sec" turns the tables by taking the all-seeing power away from the camera and giving it to the person on the toilet, while letting them remain invisible to the world.

But peoples' fears of being seen with their pants down still hold strong.

In 2000, a pair of self-proclaimed performance artists caused an uproar when they relieved themselves on artist Marcel Duchamp's 1917 sculpture of a urinal, on display at London's Tate Modern gallery.

But, even with full permission to defecate on Bonvicini's work of art, Britons and tourists alike tend to shy away from the challenge.

Considering that four-man outdoor urinals are a frequent site in the U.K. capital, some may question the need for nerves. And in some cultures using the toilet is not considered a private matter at all. In fact, it was common for ancient Greek aristocrats to discuss political and business affairs while attending to their own "personal business" in communal bathrooms.

Whatever one's take on toilet etiquette, visitors "Don't Miss A Sec" while viewing, or using, this exhibit.
© 2005 MSNBC Interactive

© 2005 MSNBC.com

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4326340/

There's a Bolshevik in My Soup

When I was growing up, my sister’s favorite movie was Annie. Those with younger siblings can imagine how many times I had to see it. And though my sister danced and sang along with her favorite orphan, my favorite scene had practically nothing to do with the plot at all. It involved a crazy guy throwing a bomb through the window in an attempt to kill Daddy Warbucks. Of course the day is saved, and while the rest of the office goes about its business, the confused little orphan asks: who would want to kill Mr. Warbucks? The answer:

“The Bolsheviks, dear. He's living proof that the American system really works and the Bolsheviks don't want anyone to know about it.”

I have no idea why this delighted me so much. The sincerity with which the line is delivered is pretty funny, but I’m sure I had no idea what a Bolshevik was. Once I learned, it became even funnier, but as the Bolsheviks were a group long since relegated to the history books I was pretty sure our paths would only cross when my sister felt the need to belt out “Tomorrow.”

So imagine my surprise to be attending a conference in Washington years later, about a month after September 11th, in which the Bolsheviks made an appearance. While listening to a member of the Senate Foreign Relations committee talk about the attack, he was adamant that we had to be careful of similar Bolshevik groups. Now my colleague and I, who up to that point had dutifully been taking notes, raised our eyebrows and looked at each other, but no one in the room seemed to have been bothered by the comment. The equation of terrorist activity to a left-wing group from the 1917 Russian revolution seemed, well, odd. Not to mention historically inaccurate.

That’s when the light went on. The US had long enjoyed an ideological battle with the Soviet Union, and when it collapsed in the early 1990s, the US could rightly proclaim that its system was better. But the Soviet Union has not gone away. That much was clear when yet another speaker (a State Department official) warned about alliances with Soviet states. Not “former Soviet states” or “Soviet-like states,” but plain old Soviet states. I asked my colleague if the USSR had been recreated the previous night while I was sleeping, and when assured that it hadn’t, I tried to piece two and two together.

My colleague and I were easily the youngest people in the room, barely teenagers when the USSR collapsed. Though we grew up in a US vs. USSR world, we adapted quickly to the fact that Germany is one country, not two, and the Soviet Union is now a historical entity. In Washington, evidently, old habits die hard.

Granted, I have never lived through any red scares, missile crises, or wars predicated on the domino theory. Glasnost and perestroika marked my youth, and perhaps through the naïveté and innocence of childhood, I took them seriously. I certainly never believed in communism, but nor did I fear it. But although my youth and inexperience has perhaps skewed my view of international relations, the persistent Cold War hangover that pervades Washington is endangering our foreign policy.

The collapse of the USSR has brought about two interesting phenomena: a feeling of invincibility and the need for an archrival. The first became clear to me in July 2001, when discussing an Africa project with a senior colleague of mine. I told him that the recent discoveries of oil were interesting, as was our then growing interest in the continent through legislation such as AGOA. I suggested that the US might be cozying up to some non-OPEC oil-rich countries. No way, I was told. The price of oil is fixed. I then asked, well, what if something were to happen, and we suddenly didn’t want any oil from the Middle East? The response: What could possibly happen? Unfortunately, September 11th could not be predicted, but the use of terrorism should have been.

As for the need for an enemy, much has been written about current policies of the US making China and enemy, whether it wants to be or not. The US had been balanced by the USSR for so long, that we now find it lonely at the top. In our Coalition of the Willing, the attitude of “if you’re not with us you’re against us,” could have been the perfect cold war slogan.

The administration, much of which is a holdover from Bush I, is comfortable with the realpolitik of the Cold War: superpowers, defined nation states, and strong ideological differences that had to be vanquished one way or another. But these principles do not necessarily hold anymore, and that is why comments likening Al Qaeda with Soviet-era vocabulary words are so disturbing. They show the true disconnect that exists between political thinking and what is actually going on. There are ghosts of communism everywhere, but they should no longer hiding under our beds.

Case in point: Cuba. Disregarding its impact on elections, Cuba poses no threat to the United States. Why the US wastes its time on a small island with a population of 11 million is a mystery, especially as we have notoriously aided similarly heavy-handed regimes all over Latin America. Of course, the variable in this equation is that Cuba is filled with communists who threaten the American way of life. But they don’t. And chances are if they were exposed to an influx of American tourists and imports, they’d probably get a kick out of capitalism. Our relationship with Cuba is a holdover from another time. The threat facing our country comes from extremist sleeper cells bent on our destruction, not lengthy speeches by Fidel Castro.

This is not to minimize the threat that Al Qaeda and other terrorist organizations pose. They are an alarming threat, and more so than the Soviet Union ever was. Where the US and the USSR had ideological differences, Al Qaeda and the like have no ideological beef with the US; they are fueled by hatred. Hatred is not ideological, but it is powerful, and it makes them all the more dangerous. This is why not only the administration but all policy makers must take an aspirin and a shower and realize that the Cold War is over.

Even though we won, the Cold War has proven to be our Achilles heel. Because our victory proved us right, we felt no need to change. But it’s a new game and we need to follow a new rulebook. It’s not an issue of idealism or realism, Democrat or Republican, but a generational and historical leap that must be made. The war on terror does not have a neat beginning, middle and end. Though winning the Cold War may have been like slaying a dragon, the war on terror is like fighting the Hydra: remove one head and two more appear.

Unfortunately one of those heads popped up in London yesterday. Besides expressing our total disgust with terrorism and the cowards who employ it, we want our British friends to know that just as you were there when we needed you, we are here for you. Rule Britannia!

In the beginning...

THIS BLOG WAS CREATED AFTER WE REALIZED THAT OUR TRUE GENIUS & RAMBLINGS MUST BE SHARED WITH THE WORLD. HERE'S HOW IT ALL BEGAN:


S: In keeping with one of our recurring themes....

MSNBC ARTICLE: Taiwan bowled over by toilet-theme restaurant. It may take a strong stomach to eat curry or chocolate ice cream out of a toilet bowl, but a commode-themed restaurant in Taiwan does booming business serving up just that.

Here's a link to the rest of the article:

http://g.msn.com/0MN2ET7/2?http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8417691&&CM=EmailThis&CE=1

G: oh my god. even if you offered to buy me dinner at this place, I don't think I could go.

S: The irony is their restroom facilities probably suck

W: The irony is that they probably still have the squat toilets in the bathroom even though they have plenty of western toilets as seats in the restaurant.

S: Well, what's more important really, ambiance or sanitation?

W: Here, my western standards would argue sanitation! I don't need a western toilet out in the restaurant mocking me while I'm stuck in the bathroom with a squat toilet! That's just cruel!

S: Ah, the cruel irony. I think I would have to make a point by using the western ones in the dining area. HAHA!!

W: You're overlooking one benefit of this--the promotion of the western toilet!! Now, do you think an American style shower restaurant in Europe would promote the shower curtain and mounted shower heads as well?

S: OOO!!! And people could hang out at the SOAP BAR!!!! Yay soap!!! And instead of giving you mints at the end of your meal, they could give you little deodorant sticks!!

W: OOhhh, not only could we promote American showers, we could also promote American hygiene!! We could give out little gift bags. And instead of giving kids crayons to play with while waiting for their meal we give them soap and deodorant with a little how-to sheet and provide a little education so we can at least start reeducating the next generation.

S: I wonder what the Europeans would make of a massage shower head? That must be quite a novelty over there....

W: I think we could sell them on it if we bring over the really fancy stuff, not just a standard wall mounted shower head, but the ones that can also be hand held, that massage, the waterfall shower heads, the aromatherapy ones--we could totally suck them in once they realize what is out there!

S: We'd have to make sure they knew that showering:
conserves water
makes you less stinky, thus reducing air pollution
is very liberal and open minded

Or whatever other stuff they go for over there

W: Why haven't we all just chucked it all and moved to Europe by now to open this restaurant! We're sitting on a gold mine! Think about it, whether they like to admit it or not, the Europeans love anything American--hell, why else would there be a Hard Rock and Planet Hollywood in every major European capital!

S: In the toilet restaurant, do they give you napkins or toilet paper? And do you pay extra for them regardless?

G: Wow, go away for a few minutes and miss everything. I think we could call the restaurant "Water World" maybe we could get Kevin Costner to show up a the grand opening.I think you should charge a cover and let them know that the cost of the toilet paper is included. We could give out that Easto toilet paper that is really hard, it would work well as a napkin. I think also have a separate wine bar section, where people lounge in bathtubs and drink wine. Then you could introduce even more bath products. Since they have those restaurants where they lounge in bed and eat, why not a bath tub and drink. Of course we'd have to have lifeguards on duty.

S: hey - maybe Lush or the body shop would partner with us!

W: I was just thinking about the bed restaurant/club and the whole foam party fad. We could expand this into a club. Think about it. some shower stalls, a couple of big tubs to lounge in, some soap, throw in some food and alcohol and I seriously think we have a gold mine.

And not only could we look for partnership ideas with Lush and Body Shop we could even look at Charmin (they really should go global--once the rest of the world tries SOFT toilet paper, they would never go back!), some plumbing companies, the deodorant industry. The cross-promotional ties are ENDLESS!!

S: Don't forget the bookstore to pick up a little "bathroom reading"!

W: A newspaper and magazine stand!! Now, if the Europeans realized that the bathroom is so much more than a bathroom--think spa/place to relax & read--I truly believe they would be more on board with this stuff!

S: I wonder - do they even have rubber duckies in Europe? Paging Ernie!! I bet they don't have toys, and never had fun in the bath, and ergo do not enjoy the bathroom the same way we do. I think we can get Sesame street, Mattel and Fisher-Price in on the fun too!!

W: Perfect! Again, we must target the young/next generation! Key to marketing, and more importantly to changing the hygiene habits of a whole continent!

You know, I'm really starting to wonder if there are others out there spending this much time on this topic?!?! Or are we the only "geniuses"??

S: We are probably a breed apart, but it's not our fault we're so freakishly smart. Although really, how much time do you have to spend in Europe before these things just pop into your head?

W: True, true.

I think we need a website or blog to share our moments of genius and true inspiration with the world! Not only could others of a like mind find a home, but maybe just one European out there would read and find that his/her life has all just been a farce without American hygiene standards! And, should some developer/restraunteer/club owner be looking for the next big thing and want to pay us royalties for our idea, that wouldn't be bad either!

S: hee hee hee - our blog would be pretty damn funny. You know, this kind of reverts back to our think tank idea as well.

W: Hmmm, might need to check into how to set up a blog. I think we need to share! And still not opposed to the think tank idea. If there are conferences on toilets then there is a need for similarly minded think tanks!

S: hmmm... blog research! I'm on it :-)

A section for hygiene, a section for fencing off the middle east - awesome!!

W: OMGod! All of our random topics gathered in one place to share with the world!! This could be true genius!

G: Man, I go to a dull retirement party with chips and soda and miss out on the biggest idea this year! I love it!! Definitely the blog, obviously all anonymous, it will add more mystique to our greatness. I think this is the answer for entertainment to distract me from my dilemma of what to do with my life. I'd be glad to help with the blog too and if needed, now that I'm back I can arrange a conference call tomorrow so that we can work on the blog together.

S: I think excerpts of our email exchange of yesterday will make an excellent entry.this is waaaaay too much fun!

G: Cool! our very own blog.


SO CONCLUDES THE HISTORY OF HOW A GREAT IDEA WAS HATCHED!! WELCOME TO Realpolihygienic!

Welcome!

Welcome to our new blog, Realpolihygienic. We believe that by combining a little realpolitik with a little soap and water, the world will be a much nicer place.

WHO ARE WE? Just some overeducated people who have probably spent way too much time in DC. Then we go on holiday to get away from it all, only to find that the rest of the world is just as crazy, only with worse plumbing. In this blog you will find our inspired rantings on the Middle East, international toilet standards, higher education, and anything we happen to stumble across on our travels.

Anyway, once we get it in gear we're sure you'll find this little blog to be a great source of information and amusement. Enjoy!